In life one of the most challenging things we face are
relationships. We all are in some type of relationship everyday whether it be
romantic, friendship, employment, or even casual; saying hello to someone
passing by. Becoming a participant in this challenge is unavoidable, unless you
live on an island, alone. Even then, you end in some type of relationship. Just
like the character Tom Hanks played in Cast
Away; he had an emotional relationship with “Wilson.” We, being human thrive
on relationships, it is how we are wired. We were not designed to be alone.
What we bring to these relationships are our own
perceptions, past hurts, and insecurities. We each have our own idea of what a
“relationship” is, and very few of us have the same thought of what a
relationship looks like. Even though we
engage in many other types of relationships, by far the most important
relationship you can have is with yourself. We spend our life running from one
relationship to another and rarely, if ever, truly find ourselves.
Not long ago, I decided to embark upon creating a
relationship with myself. To finally discover who I am and what I want out of
this thing called life. This decision has been by far one of my most
challenging but rewarding experiences. There has been a lot of heartache, fear,
joy, successes and setbacks along the way, and honestly, I’m just getting
started. One of the first things I had
to do was leave a toxic relationship. That in itself was and has been the most
gut-wrenching experience yet.
I realized almost three years ago that the relationship I
was a part of was detrimental to my existence, I was yet again becoming a
person I did not like. I was depressed and resented my mere existence. I
realized that I was not only harming myself but harming the other person
involved by not allowing either of us to become individuals. For myself, I stayed tied to that relationship
out of fear. Afraid of what? Afraid to face my worst fears of being alone and not
being loved, in reality, I did not love myself.
Throughout my life I spent so much time trying to make other
people happy, trying to make other people love me, I lost sight of who I am
(co-dependent). In reality I really need to love myself before I am capable of
loving anyone else. This is the best lesson I have learned. One of my deepest
wounds from childhood was not being loved by my mother (abandonment). By the
time I was four years old my mother had taught me that I wasn’t worthy of being
loved by her actions. Therefore, as an adult I really never knew what love
looked like. I spent my childhood becoming what others wanted me to be,
especially my mother, that I never acquired a sense of self, I never truly
learned to love me. I became a chameleon, ever-changing into what others wanted
I carried this into every relationship I entered. I
conformed to what others wanted in order to feel loved. I was set on filling
the hole within my spirit from the outside, instead of from within. I set up,
from my own wounds, the situation I was involved, there are no victims here.
Things that transpired throughout were meant to happen in order for me to learn
to love myself enough to find myself, be who I am meant to be instead of a
shell of what others want or expect.
It is possible learn how to love yourself and heal from your
deepest wounds from childhood, but first you must recognize and acknowledge
their existence. There is hope, I am living proof of that. One of the best things
that I have done for myself was
GOING TO THERAPY!!!!
Left to my own devices I would not have identified the core
of my issues. I would have continued living life as a victim. What I realize,
there are NO VICTIMS!! We all set up our experiences in our relationships. Unknowingly,
we employ the people that will replay our deepest wounds. We would like to
believe that from past experiences that this would not happen, by the lie we
tell ourselves… “I’m not going to be with someone like THAT again!” The truth
is that is how we are wired. Until the wound is under control and healing it is
like a magnet, we will continue to attract those who know how to make us bleed.
Funny how God works, He gives us all these opportunities to
learn lessons in life and we as humans are so busy trying to figure it out on
our own; when reality if we’d be quiet, still and listen we would know the path
we need to travel was right in front of us the entire time, self-love. Learn to
be true to thy self, take time to meet the most important person in a